i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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