I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
