every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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