she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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