with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
