Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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