Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
