i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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