I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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