My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
