Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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