I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
