Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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