Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
