After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
