I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
