Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
