The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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