I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
