like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
