You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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