I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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