She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
