worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
