she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
