put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
