I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize