yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
