I got chris browned last night
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
