I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
