The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
