There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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