I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
