we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
