Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
