i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
