I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
