my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
