He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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