Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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