Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
