there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
