so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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