Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
