I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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