We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
