i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
