i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
