Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
