He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
