Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
