the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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