She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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