Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
