I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
