I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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