I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
