I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
