i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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