I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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