Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
