There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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