my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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