as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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