i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
