I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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