I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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